MawhMah

Do you ever hear that one simple word... "MAWHMAH" (mama) and your heart melts?
If so, meet my VALENTINE.... little Lyla.
She makes my heart skip a beat. It's okay that we're nursing again, we'll try to stop later.
Do you want chocolate with your milk?

I'm madly in love with Lyla and of course, Jason.
Happy HEART day!
Hugs & Kisses,
Mawhmah and YaYa (Lyla saying her name)

Just one of those days...

Do you ever have one of these days? I sure am!
Lyla and I aren't finished breast feeding as per my below note. It all went downhill after she was upset at me for being gone, and I thought for sure my milk was gone too! Man was I wrong.... now she's feeding more than ever.

Just got back from the Pediatrician. No help there. It wasn't our regular Doctor and this "fill in" just wasn't helping us at all. He told me that she will stop at some point. "DON'T GIVE IN". Well after thirty minutes of Lyla screaming at the office I think we scared everyone out of there. She had snot running down her face, she shoved her finger so far up her nose that she started crying even harder (if that was possible), my neck is clawed and sore, I can't think, and I wanted wine at 12pm. Houston, I think we have a problem.

I need to take control. Lyla can't get away with everything and if I keep it up she will be one of those cranky toddlers that bosses her parents around. Why is it so hard? She's 19 months old and she's in control.

This has to change. Next step, mark the calendar for the next stopping date. Trust me, I won't be nursing my 4 year old!
Okay, so maybe I really didn't want wine at noon but it did seem tempting...
Smiles and tears,
The beat down mama

Got Milk?

WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO BREASTFEEDING TOPICS

It's been almost 20 months that I have been breastfeeding Lyla.
That's 20 months of sharing my body with hers. She was living off of my nutrients for quite some time and growing because of the miracle of the human body. At first I had only hoped that I could breastfeed for at least 3 months, then it turned to 6, then one year, and then it was just hard to stop.
Why do you ask? Well for those of you moms that have breastfed your children you will understand. On the other hand, for those newbies out there, let me tell you a few things:

Breastfeeding isn't easy to start, but it's easy once you get going. The baby has to get used to all the little nuainces that are associated with sucking on a nipple to put it bluntly. I went through a bit of trauma in the early days when she munched on me a little too close. But for 20 months there was only that one major incident. When I first began to nurse her I was embarrassed to show myself in public while feeding her, that soon went down the toilet. Now it's second nature because it is natural! There is a feeling of "tingling" when your breasts fill with milk, then once they are filled you are ready to go! Not only had I been giving Lyla nutrition but we had an unexplainable bond. It helped us grow closer together. It was OUR time and only OUR time. Each morning, afternoon and night we had that sacred time to cuddle, bond and let her relax.

What I didn't expect? The looks and glares of the other women. For some reason there are women out there that are incredibly judgemental about breastfeeding and how long you should do it. If you go past six months they wonder why. They ask you when you are going to stop, why you are doing it or just give you that look of rolling their eyes. All I can say about those nursing haters, is go hate somewhere else! Don't be judgmental. For you new moms that are reading, be proud! It is a miracle to be able to feed your child. If you feel it fits your lifestyle, do it! Pump and be proud! I pumped every single day that I worked, twice if not three times during my workday. I was never judged at work. I have an amazing workplace and I'm proud to say that if it wasn't for their support I may not have been able to go this long.


There comes a time when all good things must come to an end. For me that was 20 months. I think I felt it in my heart, and my body felt it. One side of me had stopped producing milk and the other as full blown. A little bit of awkward lopsidedness never got me down!

So, after going away with my girlfriends for the weekend I made the firm decision. I would let my body reabsorb the milk over the weekend, with no pumping and see how I did when I returned home. I came home yesterday to Lyla abruptly signing "MILK" "MILK" "MILK" right in my face. She gets a serious look and her personality turns firm. So, I did it, she fed from the full side and was quite happy. When it was time for bed, there was no milk that reproduced. (SAD FACE). I guess I knew I was ready but I was also okay if I "needed" to keep going. It's an addiction for both of us. Mommy/Daughter time. Well it's Monday and still no MILK. I fed her this morning after her request but she knew it was gone and soon a frustrated Lyla moved on to her sippy cup.

I hope this natural progression only gets better. I think there may be some "drops" of milk left in there. I'll let her figure out that it's gone and hopefully we move on from there (BIG SAD FACE).


I have mixed emotions but I think it's time.
Breakup time with MILK.
The only light in this whole tunnel is that I can get some cosmetic things done now... Botox anyone?

Hugs,
Ang

Girlfriends

A true friend doesn't judge, degrade, compete, belittle, battle, or hold resentments.
Friends are hard to find, especially girlfriends.

I have found that with time and life situations it is easy to stray away from friends.

Especially

when you have your own family, issues, events, vacations, etc. Friends play a large role in my life. I lean on them for girl talk, wine conversations, laughing, shopping, eating, crying and venting. I would go insane without the occasional girl time that I fit into my ever busy schedule.

My friends are the BEST! I hate to brag, but they are. No matter how much time passes I can sit down and "let it all out". I can laugh at myself, and at them without feeling judged. I can say silly things and look silly but feel 100% confident in their love for me. They have been there for me through the days of having bad acne and horrible bangs (why did I do that?). I darn well know that if they can stick through me having the worst bangs in the world then they can love me for being a busy momma now!

This last weekend we took our annual girls trip to Whidbey Island. To sum it up we had a blast. Some highlights include:

• "I got knocked up!"
• Adding extra rum to the rum punch
• Talking about babies, babies and more babies
• "Why don't they have an ax?"
• Gummy bears, worms, dots and tropical dots
• Drama for your mama!
• Wine anyone?
• You can only wear the flower to your left!
• Can I get some more lettuce with this meal?
• Clam shells you know where.....
• "I wanna hang out!"
• The rest I can't say on here.... but you girls know! 

Thank you for a FUN time! It made my breastfeeding dilemma seem minuscule and the support from my friends to start weaning was a lifesaver. More to come on the cessation of the MILK for Lyla.

Reflections

There was a time that I used to think about my New Years eve plans for weeks in advance.

I would plan an outfit, how I would wear my hair, who I would be with, my resolutions, my expectations and ultimately I wanted to have the BEST PARTY EVER! Now, my plans revolve around trying to at least stay up until ten so that I'm not exhausted the next day. This year we went to the seafood market to pick up some fresh halibut, crab cakes and then to the store for goodies galore! We decided to start with a new recipe and have fun together!

We were in bed by ten, had a great night with good food, wine, games (merry go round), relaxing on the couch with Lyla and giving her a recliner to start the year out right!

I know a lot of you had much more exciting events that you attended with fancy outfits, curled hair, makeup, heels, expensive meals and long kisses at midnight. On the contrary, we stayed in with PJ's, homemade meals, popcorn, ice-cream, slippers and family.

I wouldn't change it if you paid me. My new year started out right.... at home with those that I love the most.

Today I reflected on how much my life has changed and how amazing it is to have a family. That's what matters in the end. She wants my approval, my love, my attention and wants to be just like me. So I can only hope that the love I feel for her and my family is reflected in my actions.

Go ahead and take your curled hair and heels to the bar but I'll be at home with PJ's and dancing in the living room until we drop!

New Years Eve 2010