Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Prayers Answered

Mark 11:24 “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

The first hurdle is finished. Now it is time to take a deep, deep breath and set forward with the determination that everything will be fine.
I can breathe…I can walk without stumbling now…I can see the future and it’s bright. It’s filled with days of swinging, singing, dancing, laughing, holding hands, eating, playing, going to Disneyland and enjoying our new back yard.
My nails are gone but they will grow back.

The power of prayer and positive thinking is amazing. It’s impossible to explain in words what my heart has felt the last few days. It’s a deep, deep pain. It’s a heartbreaking pain that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. To put it bluntly, I was worried that my husband may have had an incurable form of cancer. In Jason’s words “I would rather any other cancer, one that I can fight, because I would fight it”.
I have felt fear, sadness, heartache, anxiety, worry, love and loss in the last four days. All normal feelings during this circumstance.

For those that listened, thank you.
For those that provided, thank you.
For those that prayed, thank you.

I hope I don’t have to worry about scary things like this until we’re older with silver hair, wrinkles and walking canes. Then we can stumble away to the heavenly gates together.

Yes I understand that we all die at some point, ( I am a medical professional) but it’s not our time. Not now.

Time for some love and low fat meals!
We’re ready to battle you my dear pancreas… watch out!
We will find what is inflaming you and rid you of Jason’s body.
I just know it.
God is on our side and with that, anything and everything is possible in my book. Photobucket

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The longest weekend

Waiting is usually never fun. The only time I would consider it fun is if you are waiting for something exciting, such as the arrival of Christmas or waiting in a long line at Disneyland to ride your favorite ride (i.e. Indiana Jones). Waiting for results would be categorized in the "not fun" category. So to sum it up, this weekend is not fun.

Waiting for hubbys results.
Waiting to know that he is okay.
Waiting and praying.
Waiting and nearly crying and crying.
Waiting and hoping.
Waiting, waiting, waiting...
I'd rather be at Disneyland.

Last night we went to dinner. It was simple, Chipotle mexican grill. We had low fat salads and water. Then we were still hungry (because we didn't indulge in chips or cheese) so we headed over to WHOLE FOODS for some fat-free fig newtons and low fat pita chips, yum! That hit the spot. I had a nice time walking with Jason, holding his hand, and enjoying the little things.

Not to sound depressed or morose, but talking about the possiblity of a life threatening cancer can really put a damper on the night. Jason asked me "Don't people usually have a feeling when they are dying?". I wasn't sure how to answer that because I've never been there. He also asked me what we would do if he had cancer. The decision was mutual and a private one, but we both are on the same track.

We then headed home, went to bed and snuggled with dreams of Disneyland. We also booked a trip to Disneyland. We now have that to wait for, and that sounds super to me!

In the midst of all this we have been battling colds. Snotty noses, boogers, sore throats, decreased energy, coughing, late nights and more boogers. As Lyla would say "BOOOOOgers" "EWWWWWWW"

Lyla wants to make sure we are all recovering from this virus so here's our conversation:

Lyla looked at me yesterday and said "Daddy sick?"
Me:   "No."
Lyla:  "Mommy sick?"
Me:   "No."
Lyla:  "Daddy Happy?"
Me:   "YES."
Lyla:  "Mommy Happy?"
Me:   "YES"
She ended it with "Ya La HAPPY" and a big kiss.
How sweet it is.

We are happy. Happy to be together. Happy to share the same values. Happy to be alive.
Happy that we have amazing friends and family.
It is in times of harship that you learn who your true friends are.
Thank you, you know who you are.
I'm happy.
Jason is happy.
Lyla is happy.

Have a happy day!


Monday, September 12, 2011


Jason and I have been praying that his acute pancreatitis was a fluke, or induced by some sort of virus. 
The unfortunate part is that it wasn't. 

His levels are still remarkably elevated, much higher than normal. This means something is wrong.
He either has chronic pancreatitis or something else that is triggering his levels to be so elevated. We were hoping for good news today and we didn't get it.

What does that mean? Prayers please!

We are staying strong as a family and a couple and pray that this will be something that is benign. Something that can be fixed. Something that is not scary.
The Doctor said a few worrisome things. He said we should be worried. That until we find something benign, we should worry. Well that's not very nice! I think he should practice how he reveals his bad news. This isn't quite so reassuring. What is worrying going to do? Cause me to seek some sort of anti-anxiety pill? 

So for now, Jason is on a LOW FAT diet to save his pancreas. I'm learning to cook again, and especially low fat now. Coming from someone that loves to bake and from my hubby that loves pizza, this is life changing!

Say a prayer! We'll be eating fat free fudgesicles around these parts for the time being.


Monday, September 5, 2011

Take a BREAK

Ever feel so tired you can barely walk? Gosh... sometimes I do! Today is one of those days. It's sunny and bright out (probably the last day of summer) but I'm so worn out that I can't even stammer up the energy to go to the park. It is most likely because I just got over the horrible FLU. It was bad, and I mean bad.... I never miss work and I missed two half days. I think if I would have just called in sick one full day I may have recovered quicker but silly ol' me tried to work. I've got a movie on for Lyla. Now it's time to cuddle up and REST. I think it may be illegal for mama's to get sick, but, when they do... just take a BREAK. It's okay every once in a while. I think Lyla actually enjoys movie day with mama. Ta Ta for now.... Mrs. Sickly Photobucket