Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Pitter Patter, Tick Tock

Lyla's new found glory is that of
opening doors.
Now, around 3am if you are in my house you will hear the pitter patter of her feet running down the hall and her sweet face will appear next to my bed.
I gently scoop her in my arms and snuggle her between Jason and I.
She says "I happy", cups my face in her hands and kisses me.
Me: "I happy too... sweet dreams my little one."

Yes, I'm prepared for the judgement of other moms. (I have my armor on)
(your child should not sleep in your bed, they should sleep in your bed, etc)

My theory on raising your children: There's no right or wrong way. It's whatever works. Take bits and pieces from those that love you and that you trust and find your own way. Whatever works in your life. We are all so different, God made us this way for a reason.

I don't want my little angel to feel unnecessary fear.
Fear of the night, fear of the unknown or fear of "tigers". Which is what she is afraid of.

At this point I control a majority of what she is exposed to and in these early precious years I can protect her from the fear of darkness and snuggle with her for a few hours.
Yes I do experience a few foot kicks to the mouth, and even an abdominal punch here and there but it's fine, that's what moms are, right? Punching bags for everything!
After the pitter patter subsides I listen to the tick tock in my head.
Sometimes I cannot fall asleep again.
I listen softly to Lyla's breaths and Jason's breaths in unison.
They both lay sprawled on the bed with their heads turned to the same side.
A slight snore emits from both of them.
Like father, like daughter.
I think way too much at this time.
I can't wait to have Jason's tests be cleared.
November 28th can't come soon enough. I just want my old life back. No more worry, no fear, just simple snuggles and snoring. Tick tock.... I wish time would fly. Photobucket

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

That Beautiful

The beautiful plants.

Every morning on our recent California vacation we took a walk/run. For those of you that know me, I'm not a runner (anymore). I used to run in High School, track and cross country. I would run and run and run. As my mom says "What are you running from?".
I think running can clear the mind, it's just that my darn knee has never appreciated it. The soft fluffy sand in Cali allowed me to run 3 miles a day, and one day I even ran 5 miles.
This is a big accomplishement for me!
Prior to our run we would walk the Crystal Cove trail aligned with dead dried up shrubs.
Each morning Lyla would inspect the shrubs and say "THAT BEAUTIFUL".
To her, each brown shriveled shrub was beautiful.
She is so sweet and innocent.

What am I running from?
I am running from fat, fear, worry, anxiety, business, and running to relax.  Seems like I have a lot to run from.
I'm going to try and incorporate running into my weekly life, let's see if I can do it. With that said, Jason, Lyla and I will run the Turkey Trot this Sunday to benefit HOPELINK.
A trot is innocent enough, right? More vacation pictures to come!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Sleeping In

I'm on a well deserved break. I haven't forgotten my dear blog and will catch up soon after my family and I catch up on our rest, sanity, and sleep! We are having so much fun.... Details soon, I promise! I'm also on a hiatus from Facebook but will be back shortly. Big hugs!!! Photobucket

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Motherhood reality

Have you seen them?
Have you met them?
Are you one of them?

I'm talking about those moms that look like it's all perfect.
Their hair is smooth and their body firm.
They walk by you in the latest fashion with their kids dressed to the nine, (and how do they get those bows to stay in their hair??)
They tell you that their kids nap in their crib at the same time every day and put themselves to sleep.
Their houses are always clean and there are no crumbs in their car.
They appear to have it all put together.

They are out there, but I'm not one of them.
Here's my suspicion, they may have extra help at home. Maybe a nanny that's there when they don't work or even family that puts in an extra hand on a regular basis. How else could their abs be so firm and why don't they have frizzy hair?

I usually just trot past them with my frizzy bangs, workout pants with the occasional dried booger or banana on them and chipped nails. I always smile. That's what I do.
Deep down I'm wondering how they do it.

Is everything really perfect?
Do they go home at night and cry?
Do they complain to their husband but no one else?
Do they have to get up in the middle of the night and sing "Wheels on the bus?"

I'll never be one of those moms.
I won't tell you things are perfect.
I won't say that I sleep great or that my daughter does.
I won't hide my truth.

Here's my TRUTH:
The truth is that it can be hard.
Beautifully hard.
It's hard to watch my baby cry, it makes me cry.
When the corners of her mouth turn town and her face turns pink I want to kiss her and hold her to make the pain go away.
Even if it's for something silly.
I ache when she aches.

The truth is that it is breathtaking.
It's heart stopping to watch my daughter play with her toys. It makes me melt, I don't want to move.
I want to freeze time.

The truth is that Lyla doesn't like hair bows. She pulls them out.
She usually gets spaghetti sauce on her cutest clothes and I sometimes forget to put oxi-clean on it.
She likes to put my hair in a ponytail, which in reality is a messy frizzed up ball that she feels satisfied with, and I leave it that way to please her.

She hates going to bed. Hates it. She would rather stay up and play with Da-Da and I for hours.
I sing her to bed each night. Until she is passed out and snoring. I don't mind it.
I LOVE it.
I love holding her hand while she sleeps.
I love cherishing the moments.

I am one of those moms that wants her with me at all times.
I love going out to dinner with Lyla.
I love traveling with Lyla.
I love being with her and Jason.

So the point of my rant is that not all moms are perfect.
It's okay. Even if you're reading this and you appear to be one of those moms I'm speaking of... I know you have tough days.
It's okay if your baby doesn't sleep through the night or if you would rather be at home playing with plastic animals then at happy hour.

Cherish it... they are only babies once and you can never ever go back in time, ever.

With that said, I can't wait to go home and paint and play with Lyla.
This is THE LIFE.
I will always tell you the truth.



Monday, October 3, 2011


Since this whole Pancreas thing came about I've changed our diet. We have always eaten healthy but now we're on a 25g of fat or less per day. Last night when at my sister in law's house I noticed that Balsamic Vinaigrette has 9grams of fat per serving! Jeez! I've changed everything about the way we eat, but it's GREAT! I think we're actually eating better now than we ever did before. Just because something is LOW-FAT doesn't mean it's not full of flavor. So, because I'm so nice, I'd love to share with you my fabulous finds!

HUNGRY-GIRL: My new obsession. I bought three of her books. I'm just saying that the brownie cheesecake swirl really only has 1.5grams of fat/serving and it's de-lish! Why not mix pumpkin instead of oil/eggs/butter, it tastes much better that way!!!

SKINNY TASTE:  Not all these recipes are low-fat so I've had to sort my way through but I've found some yummy ones. Take note of the pumpkin muffin in the left hand corner! Tis' the season for pumpkins and fall treats! This one made me fall over with gratitude. Thanks to all those bloggers that enjoy low-fat cooking, I enjoy making the recipes!

As for the family update... Jason's pancreas is hanging in there! For the first time his levels were lower. (perhaps I was right and it's the 0.86% chance that the Zyrtec caused it?? Dare I say??) His Endoscopy was fine with mild Gastritis and he has his follow-up with the specialist tomorrow.

Now, what to make for dinner tonight?! Hmmmm.....


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Prayers Answered

Mark 11:24 “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

The first hurdle is finished. Now it is time to take a deep, deep breath and set forward with the determination that everything will be fine.
I can breathe…I can walk without stumbling now…I can see the future and it’s bright. It’s filled with days of swinging, singing, dancing, laughing, holding hands, eating, playing, going to Disneyland and enjoying our new back yard.
My nails are gone but they will grow back.

The power of prayer and positive thinking is amazing. It’s impossible to explain in words what my heart has felt the last few days. It’s a deep, deep pain. It’s a heartbreaking pain that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. To put it bluntly, I was worried that my husband may have had an incurable form of cancer. In Jason’s words “I would rather any other cancer, one that I can fight, because I would fight it”.
I have felt fear, sadness, heartache, anxiety, worry, love and loss in the last four days. All normal feelings during this circumstance.

For those that listened, thank you.
For those that provided, thank you.
For those that prayed, thank you.

I hope I don’t have to worry about scary things like this until we’re older with silver hair, wrinkles and walking canes. Then we can stumble away to the heavenly gates together.

Yes I understand that we all die at some point, ( I am a medical professional) but it’s not our time. Not now.

Time for some love and low fat meals!
We’re ready to battle you my dear pancreas… watch out!
We will find what is inflaming you and rid you of Jason’s body.
I just know it.
God is on our side and with that, anything and everything is possible in my book. Photobucket

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The longest weekend

Waiting is usually never fun. The only time I would consider it fun is if you are waiting for something exciting, such as the arrival of Christmas or waiting in a long line at Disneyland to ride your favorite ride (i.e. Indiana Jones). Waiting for results would be categorized in the "not fun" category. So to sum it up, this weekend is not fun.

Waiting for hubbys results.
Waiting to know that he is okay.
Waiting and praying.
Waiting and nearly crying and crying.
Waiting and hoping.
Waiting, waiting, waiting...
I'd rather be at Disneyland.

Last night we went to dinner. It was simple, Chipotle mexican grill. We had low fat salads and water. Then we were still hungry (because we didn't indulge in chips or cheese) so we headed over to WHOLE FOODS for some fat-free fig newtons and low fat pita chips, yum! That hit the spot. I had a nice time walking with Jason, holding his hand, and enjoying the little things.

Not to sound depressed or morose, but talking about the possiblity of a life threatening cancer can really put a damper on the night. Jason asked me "Don't people usually have a feeling when they are dying?". I wasn't sure how to answer that because I've never been there. He also asked me what we would do if he had cancer. The decision was mutual and a private one, but we both are on the same track.

We then headed home, went to bed and snuggled with dreams of Disneyland. We also booked a trip to Disneyland. We now have that to wait for, and that sounds super to me!

In the midst of all this we have been battling colds. Snotty noses, boogers, sore throats, decreased energy, coughing, late nights and more boogers. As Lyla would say "BOOOOOgers" "EWWWWWWW"

Lyla wants to make sure we are all recovering from this virus so here's our conversation:

Lyla looked at me yesterday and said "Daddy sick?"
Me:   "No."
Lyla:  "Mommy sick?"
Me:   "No."
Lyla:  "Daddy Happy?"
Me:   "YES."
Lyla:  "Mommy Happy?"
Me:   "YES"
She ended it with "Ya La HAPPY" and a big kiss.
How sweet it is.

We are happy. Happy to be together. Happy to share the same values. Happy to be alive.
Happy that we have amazing friends and family.
It is in times of harship that you learn who your true friends are.
Thank you, you know who you are.
I'm happy.
Jason is happy.
Lyla is happy.

Have a happy day!


Monday, September 12, 2011


Jason and I have been praying that his acute pancreatitis was a fluke, or induced by some sort of virus. 
The unfortunate part is that it wasn't. 

His levels are still remarkably elevated, much higher than normal. This means something is wrong.
He either has chronic pancreatitis or something else that is triggering his levels to be so elevated. We were hoping for good news today and we didn't get it.

What does that mean? Prayers please!

We are staying strong as a family and a couple and pray that this will be something that is benign. Something that can be fixed. Something that is not scary.
The Doctor said a few worrisome things. He said we should be worried. That until we find something benign, we should worry. Well that's not very nice! I think he should practice how he reveals his bad news. This isn't quite so reassuring. What is worrying going to do? Cause me to seek some sort of anti-anxiety pill? 

So for now, Jason is on a LOW FAT diet to save his pancreas. I'm learning to cook again, and especially low fat now. Coming from someone that loves to bake and from my hubby that loves pizza, this is life changing!

Say a prayer! We'll be eating fat free fudgesicles around these parts for the time being.


Monday, September 5, 2011

Take a BREAK

Ever feel so tired you can barely walk? Gosh... sometimes I do! Today is one of those days. It's sunny and bright out (probably the last day of summer) but I'm so worn out that I can't even stammer up the energy to go to the park. It is most likely because I just got over the horrible FLU. It was bad, and I mean bad.... I never miss work and I missed two half days. I think if I would have just called in sick one full day I may have recovered quicker but silly ol' me tried to work. I've got a movie on for Lyla. Now it's time to cuddle up and REST. I think it may be illegal for mama's to get sick, but, when they do... just take a BREAK. It's okay every once in a while. I think Lyla actually enjoys movie day with mama. Ta Ta for now.... Mrs. Sickly Photobucket

Monday, August 22, 2011

It's my DAY!

It's my day.
I'm 32 so it's the one day I can get away with whatever I want in my world.
That means Lyla slept in until 7:50 (I think she knew!)

Here are 32 things I'm thankful for in no particular order.

2.)My husband
4.)My family (mom, dad, siblings, everyone!)
5.)Fresh white sheets
6.)Fluffy white towels
7.)Freshly brewed coffee with french vanilla creamer in my 2003 Disney cup
8.)Watching movies with my daughter in her recliner
9.)Lylas tight curls
10.) Lyla's amazing sense of humor (tickling me, laughing at me, etc)
11.) Lyla's intelligence (I love that she is so on top of everything!)
12.) Jason's financial sensibility
13.) Jason's caring heart
14.) My optimal health
15.) My rocking job that is only seven minutes from my house
16.) Starbucks skinny drinks (Carmel machiato being my favorite!)
17.) Craft time (it's few and far between but I love it!)
18.) My girlfriends (we may not see each other often but I know I have the best ones!)
19.) Long walks
20.) Picnics at the park with my babe
21.) Letters in the mail
22.) A email just because
23.) Surprises
24.) Wine, preferably a chilled white glass
25.) Big salads with chicken
26.) Body Sculpt classes
27.) My home that feels safe and secure
28.) My big island in my kitchen that I can cook on
29.) Fresh bright flowers
30.) Laughing so hard it hurts
31.) Holding hands
32.) Kisses


Friday, August 5, 2011

Food, treats, yummies!

I heart baking.
I heart food.
I heart not worrying about what I eat, but that's just not the case.
I've got to make healthy meals for the whole family, and I don't make special meals just for Lyla.
She eats what we eat! 

Lyla's 4th of July meal, a version of ours...

Our 4th of July meal

I don't always have time to work out because I have my little gal around and she would prefer to jump on my stomach and back when I'm trying to do my Jillian Michaels ab workout. So typically I go for walks and workout on Wednesday nights.

I have hypoglycemia. So, my blood sugar gets really low and I start feeling dizzy, grumpy, irritable, light headed and down right HUNGRY! I mean so hungry I could eat a loaf of fluffy french bread with butter and be content.

With that said, I have to always eat small meals throughout the day.
I plan what I'm going to eat on my ten hour workdays and always pack a lunch and snacks. Some of my go-to items are THINK THIN bars, chobani greek yogurt and my salads. Sometimes I get sick of routine so I start browsing the web looking for ideas.

I recently found a great blog that I'm proud to follow.... Dashing Dish
I don't know Katie or how I found her page but she has some great healthy alternatives to the sugar packed foods I typically like to eat.

My goal for this week is to take some of her ideas into action! I think I'll pack three lunches at once instead of each night, that will save me time and allow me to cuddle up to my babes a bit more (Lyla and Jason, Rosie too!)
So far my favorite recipe is her Lemon blueberry muffins!
This is great for someone like me that can't eat a sugar packed muffin and for my daughter too!

My other favorite website that I've raved about is of course, Weelicious!
I love all the recipes with agave nectar instead of sugar.

Anyways, I just thought I'd share some of my finds with you. Now I'm getting hungry....
Happy weekend!
Enjoy, and cook/bake something fun for me this weekend!


Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Boogers and Photos

Oh what fun it is to have a 2 year old!
Life is grand!
Here's a sneak peek into our photo shoot from last weekend with the talented Kara Hicks .

We had a blast playing, having leftover lollipops and blowing bubbles.
Of course when I get to see the rest, I'll share! Can't wait!

Lastly, a funny story....
It's been taking Lyla a while to fall asleep at night and after reading books and singing I wait until she is snug in bed and fast asleep, then I tip-toe out of her room. Forty five minutes later I thought I was in the clear until she abruptly turned to me with her eyes wide open and said...
"MOMMY BOOOOGGGER?" and pointed at my nose.
Nope, no booooger here.
Back to bed.



Thursday, July 28, 2011

Dear Lyla

My dear sweet, beautiful, intelligent, happy, bouncy, little Lyla,

Wow. You are two.
I can't believe it. Nor can I remember much of my life prior to you arriving.
Your tight curls, blue eyes and beautiful fair skin are breathtaking.

Last night when you fell asleep on my lap in our rocking chair I just sat and starred.
Your small fingers clung tight to my shirt and your face was smashed against my soft belly.
(I say soft because it's a Mommy's belly now)
I felt each breath on my tummy and watched you so quietly.

Each  night it takes me one hour to put you to bed.
We start with quiet time after you finish running around and tumbling with da-da.
You still want to nurse each night.
We read books, about ten of them.
I get choked up  thinking about my intense love for you. I never knew I could feel this kind of love. It makes me happy, jittery, excited and so proud to be your mommy. This intense love also brings fear, guilt and sadness. I worry about you all the time. I don't want you hurt, and yes, you have fallen and scared the heck out of me. Recent tragedies in society have made me cling even tighter to you.

I don't care how long it takes to put you to bed. I'll sing to you forever.
If you want to sit on my lap while I use the potty, that's fine... you're only little once.
You can hide under my robe in the morning every day, even if it's hard for me to move around.
I'll always be here for you, to wipe your boogies, tears and bum.
I empathize with your sorrow when you can't get your way and hold you to make you feel better.

You are my best little buddy. Thanks for making us complete.The three of us can accomplish a lot in life!


Friday, July 8, 2011



Lyla and I had so much fun making home-made blueberry Popsicles!
I think she had more fun eating them!
We then proceeded to find a random bug on the floor.
She loves to look at them, save them and blow them away into the grass.
Daddy and her worked on taking care of this bug and sending it outdoors to it's home to be with it's own little bug family.
Lyla cried after she blew it away.
I think she wanted it to stay on her arm forever.

Kids are so innocent.
A bug makes them smile, it makes me cringe.
I wish I was young again.


Monday, June 20, 2011

Pretty in Pink and Orange

Lyla's birthday this year was at her favorite location, Northwest Aerials. My hubby requested a party away from home this year as we have a lot going on at our house. So I agreed with hesitation. Why you may ask? I don't like time frames and deadlines. I knew this would be a quick party.... but that wouldn't stop me from creating a THEME and a fun atmosphere!

Pretty in PINK and ORANGE Gymnastics Party for Lovely Lyla!

Invitations created by myself and my nifty Silhouette SD 

Lyla's party shirt created by myself and again, my Silhouette (that thing does it all!)

Hairbows/Headbands purchased via The Bitsy Beau, you absolutely have to style the whole outfit!

Favors included recycled crayons in pink/orange via Ivy Lane Designs with lots of other goodies (stickers, play dough, balls, bubbles, and of course stylish glasses), put together in a bundle by little ol' me.

Sweet Treats were so fun to put together! Candy Warehouse

Sneaking some sweet treats!

I made a few extra crafty things for the party such as Lyla's inital "L" with modge podge and some accessories as well as a home-made frame in the party colors of course!

I used my Silhouette to create the letting for her signs and banner. The banner showed a picture of Lyla each month of the last year. It was my second year creating a yearly banner and I hope to do this until she starts putting up a fight. Even then, I may continue!

After all the prep and planning, I felt super organized! We had the BEST TIME EVER!

All the adults ran/played/jumped and had so much fun! We were dredged in sweat by the time the party was over. Ready for some food!

Pefect timing for favors and cake.
We sat down to enjoy the fabulous cake created by my father/Pa for little Lyla.

I feel so blessed that I have the time to be my crafty self and pamper my beautiful girl.
She absolutely loved being with everyone that she adores on this special day.
The whole way home she sang with glee...

Thanks to all that made it, I couldn't ask for better family and friends!

Lots of love!
p.s. I did stick with the theme and have a mimosa when I got home, also chilled some nice Rose. 
The pink/orange crew
Angela, Jason and Lyla