We all freak out.

Sunday brought new beginnings. Lyla stayed in her Church playroom class for the entire time without us.

Did she put up a fight? YES
Did I feel guilty? YES
Did I want to run back in and grab her? YES

I dropped her off as I usually do and the teacher (Karen) said "Hello again Lyla, AND Mom".
Yes, it's always "and Mom" because I stay with her and then eventually take her out.
Well when she went to run and play I left.
Oh man, the guilt.... it was only an hour. How am I going to make it with preschool drop-off in five months? (Okay lets not get ahead here)

Anyhow, we ran back after Church to get her and she was quite happy to see me in a subtle way. She hugged me and held me. She was still a bit tearful and the teacher said she clung to her most of the time. I told her how happy I was that she was a BIG GIRL and spent time in class. She proceeded to show me the picture she colored.
Then she said the heart jerker...

"Mom, I stay in class, Mama Dada go to church, I...I...I...uhhh... FREAKED OUT!"

Yes, we all freak out, it's okay. I do it daily. She definitely takes after me. xoxo

Christmas Pics

I haven't had time to blog lately. Honestly. So here are a few pictures from Christmas! What a joy it was. We love our families! Much Love!

We love to be festive! Angela &  Jason 2011

Lyla loving her Nana and her doggie at Nana's.. Rico!

Sisterly run Christmas Eve morning!

We ate and ate and ate.....

Dougie... is this a big wheels?

Look what Santa brought me!

I am and always will be the queen of the hosue.

Princesses for a princess!

A horse, for me? Oh yes! Thanks Nana and Pa!

My usual baking day attire for Christmas Eve!

cookies cookies cookies

I'm so behind!

The Holidays have swamped me this year! Between having a 2 year old and a family, as well as working... I haven't had time to BLOG. So sad. It's my resolution to keep up a bit more. In the meantime, I did run a 12K for the fist time since High School. I enjoyed it and have continued to run at least 1-2 times a week. I'll write more with updates soon (I promise!)

Pitter Patter, Tick Tock

Lyla's new found glory is that of

opening doors.

Now, around 3am if you are in my house you will hear the pitter patter of her feet running down the hall and her sweet face will appear next to my bed.
"Mama?"
I gently scoop her in my arms and snuggle her between Jason and I.
She says "I happy", cups my face in her hands and kisses me.
Me: "I happy too... sweet dreams my little one."

Yes, I'm prepared for the judgement of other moms. (I have my armor on)
(your child should not sleep in your bed, they should sleep in your bed, etc)

My theory on raising your children: There's no right or wrong way. It's whatever works. Take bits and pieces from those that love you and that you trust and find your own way. Whatever works in your life. We are all so different, God made us this way for a reason.

I don't want my little angel to feel unnecessary fear.
Fear of the night, fear of the unknown or fear of "tigers". Which is what she is afraid of.

At this point I control a majority of what she is exposed to and in these early precious years I can protect her from the fear of darkness and snuggle with her for a few hours.
Yes I do experience a few foot kicks to the mouth, and even an abdominal punch here and there but it's fine, that's what moms are, right? Punching bags for everything!
After the pitter patter subsides I listen to the tick tock in my head.
Sometimes I cannot fall asleep again.
I listen softly to Lyla's breaths and Jason's breaths in unison.
They both lay sprawled on the bed with their heads turned to the same side.
A slight snore emits from both of them.
Like father, like daughter.
I think way too much at this time.
I can't wait to have Jason's tests be cleared.
November 28th can't come soon enough. I just want my old life back. No more worry, no fear, just simple snuggles and snoring. Tick tock.... I wish time would fly.

That Beautiful

The beautiful plants.

Every morning on our recent California vacation we took a walk/run. For those of you that know me, I'm not a runner (anymore). I used to run in High School, track and cross country. I would run and run and run. As my mom says "What are you running from?".
I think running can clear the mind, it's just that my darn knee has never appreciated it. The soft fluffy sand in Cali allowed me to run 3 miles a day, and one day I even ran 5 miles.
This is a big accomplishement for me!
Prior to our run we would walk the Crystal Cove trail aligned with dead dried up shrubs.
Each morning Lyla would inspect the shrubs and say "THAT BEAUTIFUL".
To her, each brown shriveled shrub was beautiful.
She is so sweet and innocent.

What am I running from?
I am running from fat, fear, worry, anxiety, business, and running to relax.  Seems like I have a lot to run from.
I'm going to try and incorporate running into my weekly life, let's see if I can do it. With that said, Jason, Lyla and I will run the Turkey Trot this Sunday to benefit HOPELINK.
A trot is innocent enough, right? More vacation pictures to come!

Sleeping In

I'm on a well deserved break. I haven't forgotten my dear blog and will catch up soon after my family and I catch up on our rest, sanity, and sleep! We are having so much fun.... Details soon, I promise! I'm also on a hiatus from Facebook but will be back shortly. Big hugs!!!

Motherhood reality

Have you seen them?
Have you met them?
Are you one of them?

I'm talking about those moms that look like it's all perfect.
Their hair is smooth and their body firm.
They walk by you in the latest fashion with their kids dressed to the nine, (and how do they get those bows to stay in their hair??)
They tell you that their kids nap in their crib at the same time every day and put themselves to sleep.
Their houses are always clean and there are no crumbs in their car.
They appear to have it all put together.

They are out there, but I'm not one of them.
Here's my suspicion, they may have extra help at home. Maybe a nanny that's there when they don't work or even family that puts in an extra hand on a regular basis. How else could their abs be so firm and why don't they have frizzy hair?

I usually just trot past them with my frizzy bangs, workout pants with the occasional dried booger or banana on them and chipped nails. I always smile. That's what I do.
Deep down I'm wondering how they do it.

Is everything really perfect?
Do they go home at night and cry?
Do they complain to their husband but no one else?
Do they have to get up in the middle of the night and sing "Wheels on the bus?"

I'll never be one of those moms.
I won't tell you things are perfect.
I won't say that I sleep great or that my daughter does.
I won't hide my truth.

Here's my TRUTH:
The truth is that it can be hard.
Beautifully hard.
It's hard to watch my baby cry, it makes me cry.
When the corners of her mouth turn town and her face turns pink I want to kiss her and hold her to make the pain go away.
Even if it's for something silly.
I ache when she aches.

The truth is that it is breathtaking.
It's heart stopping to watch my daughter play with her toys. It makes me melt, I don't want to move.
I want to freeze time.

The truth is that Lyla doesn't like hair bows. She pulls them out.
She usually gets spaghetti sauce on her cutest clothes and I sometimes forget to put oxi-clean on it.
She likes to put my hair in a ponytail, which in reality is a messy frizzed up ball that she feels satisfied with, and I leave it that way to please her.

She hates going to bed. Hates it. She would rather stay up and play with Da-Da and I for hours.
I sing her to bed each night. Until she is passed out and snoring. I don't mind it.
I LOVE it.
I love holding her hand while she sleeps.
I love cherishing the moments.

I am one of those moms that wants her with me at all times.
I love going out to dinner with Lyla.
I love traveling with Lyla.
I love being with her and Jason.

So the point of my rant is that not all moms are perfect.
It's okay. Even if you're reading this and you appear to be one of those moms I'm speaking of... I know you have tough days.
It's okay if your baby doesn't sleep through the night or if you would rather be at home playing with plastic animals then at happy hour.

Cherish it... they are only babies once and you can never ever go back in time, ever.

With that said, I can't wait to go home and paint and play with Lyla.
This is THE LIFE.
I will always tell you the truth.

xoxo
Angela